The 10 Step guide to being the perfect Christian

Susan Deborahs

The 10 Step guide to being the perfect Christian 

Over the last couple of weeks I believe God has allowed me to really see my character and what is truly in my heart. I’ve had the opportunity of gaining front row seats into my attitude.

I can cuss hard in my heart against another brother and sister if they do me wrong. I can keep records of wrong at times, my mind can float else where at times thinking about things that may not honour God and I can refuse to be obedient because of “how I feel”. I can be prideful and selfish most of the time, thinking of what I want and me.On the outside I look like I’m headlining for Christ on the inside I’m denying Him. Each time God showed me these things my heart grew heavy and I recognised that I need not just a ‘little’ but…

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Scandal- The True Deception that Lies Beneath

BIRTHDAY SPECIAL: Almost23

My biggest fear was that I wasn’t clean enough,

My biggest prayer was ‘Lord, purify me”.

You see, at almost 23, I still fight the battles of entering the faith at 17,

So what comforts me?

What’s my assurance?

What doesn’t tell me that I am surely secured in His love,

Battle of the mind, 21st century freedom is “well, i haven’t done it in 3weeks”,

But my Spirit screams out “I’ve received the spirit of sonship, not the spirit of fear into bondage to fear”, You just don’t know WHO YOU ARE.

 

Identity crisis,

Affirmation from men instead of my pursuit of Him,

But if i was stripped naked,

What would you say? With what you see,

Because to hell with hypocrisy,

I can be quick to say “woe is me”,

But still my Spirit echoes the word: Your goal is to look like me (God).

 

See, I have a yearning, hunger and thrist,

Yet inconsistency to tarrying to be filled,

Births a compromise that maybe what the word says, can’t truly be fed,

And is a wonderful truth to admire, but one I can’t possible live.

You see, I am no better than a theologian, who can explain great truths,

But where is the truth in my life?

I thought it was suppose to make me free?

Yet failure is the best description of anything close to victory,

Cause I’m so good at it, Let me get a trophy for it.

 

Yet what about my love for Him?

My prayer is nothing but my soul crying out: oh when dost be made whole.

When what she said, “wont no longer hurt my soul”.

What he did, “no longer replay in my mind”

The accusser continues to list my failures,

I’m waking up, and hes taking me to BC,

And ohhh, how if I didn’t do it,

Maybe, now, just maybe, it wouldn’t be so hard,

Revisiting the things of old through memory,

My mind has easily become my greatest enemy.

 

In the midst of it, I understand the David in me, I see his life and I relate,

And fully understand I’m still a “man after God’s own heart”.

That’s the only reason why I’m still here,

Track record says im disqualified,

I tell my track record, you didnt call me!

HE did, and he qualifies the called,

What’s my strength to rise, even though I fall,

I clearly hear the blood saying I’m justfied,

Clearly being saved of no merit of my own, but purely on the blood of lamb,

Joy of salvation,

Uphold by a willing spirit within me.

 

See, I have a yearning, hunger and thirst,

Yet inconsistency to tarrying to be filled,

Births a compromise that maybe what the word says, can’t truly be fed,

And is a wonderful truth to admire, but one I can’t possible live.

You see, I am no better than a theologians, who can explain great truths,

But where is the truth in my life? I thought it was suppose to make me free?

Yet failure is the best description of anything close to victory,

Cause I’m so good at it, Let me get a trophy for it.

 

Yet what about my love for Him? My prayer is nothing but my soul crying out: oh when dost be made whole.

When what she said, “wont no longer hurt my soul”.

What he did, “no longer replay in my mind”

The accuser continues to list my failures, I’m waking up, and hes taking me to BC,

And ohhh, how if I didn’t do it,

Maybe, now, just maybe, it wouldn’t be so hard,

Revisiting the things of old through memory,

My mind has easily become my greatest enemy.

In the midst of it, I understand the David in me,

I see his life and I relate,

And fully understand I’m still a “man after God’s own heart”.

That’s the only reason why I’m still here,

Track record says im disqualified,

I tell my track record, you didn’t call me! HE did, and he qualifies the call,

What’s my strength to rise, even though I fall,

I clearly hear the blood saying I’ve cleanse you from it all!

 

 

It was a defining moment,

I knew how hannah felt,

My prayers switched from pleas to groans,

Every night was nothing short of a soul cry,

Psalm 56 comforted me ‘You have kept count of my tossings,

Put my tears in your bottle.

Are they not in your book?

Then my enemies will turn back In the day when I call.

This I know: that God is for me’,

Reading this chapter, again and again,

Allowing the word of God to heal the failure locked up in pain,

My spirit wanted more,

My flesh was making me do less,

Falling short, knowledge of Him killing me,

I know better, but couldn’t be better,

Do more, but had strength to only do less.

In all humility and weakness I cry out: LORD, into your hands I commit myself, take all of me, I lay down as a living sacrifice.

 

 

I end simply saying thank you,

You didn’t have to,

But you did LORD, And my heart has only 1 confession “it was all YOU LORD”,

My prayer has gone from “show me how to love you” to “I want to love you” to “make me to love you”,

For its taking me 5 years to fully grasp: ‘without love; I’m nothing”

 

Deep down, the heart will seek to find condemnation,

But God your greater than my heart, than my feelings,

I rest alone confidently at night, that you alone LORD are good and your steadfast love endures forever.

 

 

I’m graduating, 6 years ago I was wandering,

It’s my birthday, how much you love me? My mind keeps pondering.

Even with me turning 23, and being 5 years in the faith/

I’m still coming to terms that I move the heart of God every time I pray.

 

The Cross in view.

Brother A. 2012 © All Rights Reserved. Feel Free to duplicate this writing as long as you provide this copyright notice and not distort or change it in any way. (A Cry from a Young Man’s Heart)

His Image, His Likeness..

Dedicated to everyone who has tried everything to look good, but never feels or think their good enough. 

For those whom the word ugly has become their second name. 

To those who need a word that will transform their lives.

 

 

LORD, I repent, for not seeing me as you see me,

For rejecting this image, that’s made in your image,

For testifying that ugly what I see, handsome is far from me,

That you couldn’t see me and desirably smile,

For everytime I confess this,

In thought or word,

I confess that God didn’t make anything of worth, and He himself is worthless.

 

 

For I believed the lie from early,

That I don’t have this or that,

That nobody would see and desire this,

That all that I am, echoes what the olders say,

“Damn your ugly”.

Yes, there’s a gap tooth,

Ok you may be light skin,

But you wear glasses,

Neither do you have the latest garms,

Courtesy of coco butter & dax you have waves,

Please remind me, when have you last been stopped?

My mind structured to feel if I don’t tick societys boxview of beauty,

I don’t match up to it,

But YOU said I’m altogether beautiful my darling, and there’s no flaw in you.

You said I’m made in your image, and your the essence of perfection,

There I’m perfectly made, made in the image of the perfect one.

His likeness, therefore I’m handsome, therefore I’m beautiful.

 

 

Take my mind, crucify my flesh, allow me by grace, to look in the mirror and say,

“Yes I am beautiful because He is the beautiful one,

And I am made in His image”,

May your word mould you, not the TV,

May I meditate on it, and not be a slave to the latest magazine,

 

 

Bring me my identity that isn’t found in the vain of just being ‘beautiful’ according to what I see,

But that Christ, hope of glory, is shining in me.

Let it be that who I am is beautiful, that it radiates through time,

Even though my beauty (outer) may fade.

My Inner beauty, character, righteousness,

Shall endure forever.

God you see me and rejoice, because you see a reflection of yourself, perfect beauty because you are the beautiful one.

Heal me from every lie, restore every loss, cleanse my eyes, that I may truly see, that true beauty shines from within, for all to see.

 

He says to me: “My beloved, you are altogether beautiful, and there is no flaw in you.”

 

A.

Celebrating the beauty of God.

Brother A. 2012 © All Rights Reserved. Feel Free to duplicate this writing as long as you provide this copyright notice and not distort or change it in any way. (A Cry from a Young Man’s Heart)

 

Is Good, Mercies Forever…

LORD is good and His mercies endure forever,
No, its just a cute saying,
Neither is it just a ‘bible verse’,
But by force, in 2011 I have had to confess,
LORD, you are good and your mercies endure forever,
What does this mean?
I fall, and out of your goodness flows grace to save me,
I obtain mercies, mercies that cover me forever because of the word spoken on the Cross,
I stand in 2012,
And continue to say YOU ARE GOOD, AND YOUR MERCIES ENDURE FOREVER!
I confess this from the fact I’ve seen it and live it,
God, wrath was in stored for me, but your goodness said love,
Lord, I ran away but you chased me down,
I reject you but you continue to receive me,
What evidence in life do I have that you are good?
Is breath not still in my nostrils?
Have many not just died after me writing this?
Has not Jesus won my heart and transformed my life?
What can I not say but that you are good and your mercies endure forever?
Mercies, every blessed morning,
I am not consumed because of thee’s steadfast love.
Thou is faithful to see a wretch like me to become a son,
And will fight till it happens.

Lord, you are good and your mercies endure forever,
May I continue to look back, on every failure, sin, shortcoming, fault, error and confess that you are good!

2012, I await to confess another scripture that won’t be words but life to me, prepare me LORD.

Psalm 100:5 The LORD is good; and His mercies forever…

Brother A. 2011 © All Rights Reserved. Feel Free to duplicate this writing as long as you provide this copyright notice and not distort or change it in any way. (A Cry from a Young Man’s Heart).

Your Love Never Fails.

Your Love Never Fails. Four words that describes the fact you never change, you simply remain.

These words testify you have a love, and a love that has a purpose, goal which nevers fails. Meaning you have set out to love, and your love demands, but also reaches, even more, surpasses.

What manner of love, is man of dust worthy to receive?

Do I boast? Rather, I lay low in shock and almost unbelief, that such love is real, nothing less than tears stream from my face,

Tears not of despair, but of a place of comfort, peace & joy.

No longer earning, but on the receiving end, of a love who’s target is ME.

Lets go deeper, the word declares, “God is Love”. A whole new avenue, and the fact remains: you desire for us to become one.

Lord, you are awesome, your mercies truly endure forever, allow me to receive this love, walk in obedience and remain in joy. (John 15:10)

Love you, 

Your beloved Son.

 

Brother A. 2011 © All Rights Reserved. Feel Free to duplicate this writing as long as you provide this copyright notice and not distort or change it in any way. (A Cry from a Young Man’s Heart).

Understand Grace.

I can’t understand grace

And look at a sister who has slept around had 2 babies in the last two days,

And not fall on my face and plead that the blood that STILL washes away,

That His grace is still available TODAY!

To change and wipe away every sin off the earth!

I can’t understand grace,

And turn my walk into christian race,

Making my brothers my competitors,

Being blinded to the fact that one hasn’t got eyes, the other one legs,

The other one arms,

That essentially no-one is reaching the finish line,

Without each other!

I can’t understand grace,

And chose not to forgive,

Remain bitter, in anger and rage!

Hating a brother or sister!

And say I’m saved and love Jesus!

Who am I to even hate? Have I done any better than they?

Were on the same boat as sinners,

And I’m hating him, like I didn’t do that to another sister?

I can’t understand grace,

And chose to willingly remain the same,

To look into the face of the world,

Of all its pleasures and beauty,

And think that God can’t empower me!

To know that even if I work harder than everyone else,

It is NOT I but the Grace of God that was with me!

That when I’m weak = I’m strong!

That in the eyes of the world, I’m nothing,

But God I’m something,

Abiding in Him,

I’m connected and in sync with EVERYTHING!

Grace how amazing that, I see dirt, but grace sees a treasure!

I see weakness, you see strength!

I see sin-loving sinner, you see a beloved son of God!

I can’t understand Grace!

Brother A. 2011 © All Rights Reserved. Feel Free to duplicate this writing as long as you provide this copyright notice and not distort or change it in any way. (A Cry from a Young Man’s Heart).

Struggle.

In the million thoughts that run through your mind after you have sinned or seriously struggling,
There’s one truth to hold onto,
And that’s: God has not changed, I have.
He saw this day before it came, and His love, call, purpose on my life does not change,
I did.
“This I recall to mind, therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the LORD endures forever”
And
“He is good, and His mercies endures forever”.

Its a shame and a pity, it took sin to wake you up to go pray,
Nonetheless, God is sovereign, and willing, and more than able,
To forgive, cleanse and make whole,
YES whether it was intentional with all your willpower, in the midst of weakness,
Or what we like to say a “mistake”
Sin, transgression and iniquities were all laid upon Christ,
Our sins paid in full, He even said “It is finished” not was, or will, but it IS FINISHED.

This is the power, not did He die but He resurrected, and now we have the hope, expectation, real life opportunity and privilege to live that:
SET APART LIFESTYLE!
For death has been conquered and He came to bring LIFE.

GOSPEL is not just foundational, its the crown at the top of the ladder too,
Its the pillar, inner court, outer court, the temple,
It is the centre piece of everything,
We need it to start, we need it to finish.
The Gospel is forever giving grace and mercy day in, day out,
We are assured from within, The Holy Spirit,
Pouring out His love even at this very moment,
So the fear of punishment is swallowed!
And liberty has come!
Condemnation says bye! For justification has acquitted us!
So, even right now we receive that love,
Knowing it has and cannot change neither be separated,
That even we all we did was sin! And intentional and will fully as sinners, Christ demonstrated his love for us,
Love not based on what we do or even who we are,
Love that is based purely because HE IS LOVE!

I write this in complete weakness, after sin has knocking on my door and I opened it, coming to a new place of understanding that I NEED the Gospel daily. Understanding His grace is sufficient, I even write this after crying and screaming out at God, and write this to myself.

I am weak, low, but that only means strong and high in the Kingdom.

Brought low only to go up, made weak only to be strong. How? Christ becomes my all in all, my hope, Him who I lean and rely aka trust in and I continually will ask God to keep me humble, that more Grace may fall on me to do that which He pleases and desires.

That I may too like Paul say: “I worked harder than all the Apostles, but it was NOT I, but the GRACE of God that was with me” in Jesus Name, Amen.

Father, teach me and us, what it means to call you Abba Father, and that yes your LORD and Saviour, but you taught us to pray as this: “Abba Father, who art in Heaven.” We are your children, may we all walk in this identity in Jesus Name, Amen.

Brother A. 2011 © All Rights Reserved. Feel Free to duplicate this writing as long as you provide this copyright notice and not distort or change it in any way. (A Cry from a Young Man’s Heart)

Fear

This is fear is different.
Its like I’m sooo scared that maybe it wont even work.
Its a fear that grips that He’s calling me but what if I go through this and end up where I have endless times?
Nowhere.

It’s mad, I know not to but I still fear,
Its not even an feeling, its almost like an automatic response to everything that I see as failure,
It’s tainted everywhere, that I dream to get by and live normal,
But deep within, it’s not settling with me, cause I wasn’t made to be like this,
So it’s war, but already right now, I feel like I’m going to lose,
That’s how much a event, has turnt into a mindset, now into an expectation.

For he has not given me the spirit of fear, or of bondage that should lead me into fear BUT OF POWER, LOVE AND A SOUND MIND.
This I profess, claim and will be, In Jesus Name. Amen

Fear Not

Bye World, Hello Desert

Bye world, Hello Desert.

You don’t normally greet with a bye, but I’ve realised I greeted you with my life, and have come to realise this world has nothing for me, so buh-bye.

Hello Desert, I’ve addressed you as desert, because you are the setting between egypt (bondage) and canaan (my promise land/destination). I know I’m here temporarily.

I call you desert also, because my big brother came here before for 40days, and received power.

I’m in need of something different, and too who much is given, much is required, and I have come to realise God I can do nothing apart from the grace of God on my life. Abiding must take place, before bearing the fruit.

So desert, be kind to me please, but do what you do best, bring out the worst and let the best shine. Let all other grounds become sinking and let the Solid Rock be the rock on whom I stand.